Rebel much? I think rebellion also played a role in my weight-gain. I’m not talking about teenaged rebellion, like eating all the neighbours’ pets and posting selfies about deviance. Bad example, one doesn’t gain in excess of 40 kilos from eating the occasional poodle or cockatoo…..
My imperfections and ‘fat parts’, which only I noticed, were magnified in my mind by the unrealistic airbrushed perfection shoved in our faces by various media every day. A small part of me, ‘scuse the pun, wanted to give a chubby middle finger to this overload of fake! So that was me, the rebel with the 2 litre bottle of Coke always within easy reach, enjoying the righteousness of giving the finger to diets and health gurus.
I cannot count how many times in the past I decided to ‘be good’, resolving never to touch sugar or salami again and to do an hour of cardio daily…………. And I would always end up a few days later wanting to throw myself on the floor and screaming like an unhinged Rosemary’s Baby that the diet is STUPID, and too damn hard!!!
Before long I would storm off to the supermarket to “SHOW YOU ALL!!!! STUFF YOU DIET!! WATCH ME!” The binge shop will cover crisps, chocolates, biscuits, ice cream (naturally!), and if it was possible, I’d have bought deep-fried chicken skin on principle.
Take THAT stupid diet, dumb-ass doctors and countless dieticians, nutritionists, health gurus and anybody else who dares criticise ice cream!
So now I am going to approach my better ways and healthier choices with the same rebellion, just flipped on its head. Stuff you cravings! I will show you! I will bring out my BDSM bitch and make you wait until the weekend for that bar of chocolate. Try me saboteur! I must admit that I feel much calmer knowing I am not cutting anything out, I shall have ice cream when the craving comes, but half a cup, savoured slowly, not half a bathtub full, and I shall have a piece of chocolate. Until my weight is under control, I will satisfy my wants on weekends, just a little bit, that way I always have that treat to look forward to in exchange for a week of MY best choices. And if I simply cannot wait until Saturday, I’ll indulge my inner child, only a little bit, because that brat needs to be taught that she can’t just have everything she wants all the time because she appreciates none of it in the end!
…………. It has taken all these years for me to realise that – I may be THINKING “Stuff YOU”, but what I’m really doing is “Stuff ME”………….