Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo and on I go….

Here I am again. With a four month goal again. I want to lose 15kgs by 3 September. No wait, let me rephrase that………..


2016. (Because let’s face it….. open-ended vague statements are a fatty’s crutch.)

Whatever I lost last year came back and brought a few extra friends in the form of kilos…. So let’s list the excuses (that’s really all they are at the end of the day – you don’t stop breathing because you faced a tragedy do you?)

A family member fell ill, we flew up and down a few times, expecting a full recovery, but he passed away very unexpectedly.

Hubby and I went to Italy. I rest my case. I may have left them all a morsel of pizza crust to survive on, but I ate everything else they had and I did not stop to worry about the sad faces of little Italian kids crying to their parents, demanding to know why they let the fat lady eat all their food.

And their cousins’ food…….

I even ate Italian food during our short visit to Paris, and then when we got back home the eating frenzy continued right through Christmas and New Year…….. because……… because I love food. Okay???

With my wardrobe down to perhaps four and a half items that fit, and more travels on the cards, and of course the desperate hope to have at least one less chin when the Visa photos are taken, I am back on another four month weight-loss drive……… which won’t end there…..

The first 15kgs is for Springtime in South Africa (September), and then I still have 5kgs to lose by the end of November so that I am fit, strong and ready for exciting international travels once more.

The treadmill has been dusted and lubed.
I have been powdered in all the high-friction spots, lubed in all the ‘ehem’ place that will catch on fire if combined with talc and friction, and I am ready for the next round. Round being my shape.



Day 4 of 100 – Waiting for Something Better to Come Along?

Uhmmmm, I’m not actually on Day 4 today, I’m on Day 7 – I’m just a tad behind getting my daily topical thoughts posted. I’ll try to catch up fully in the next couple of days.

Onto day 4 and the topic of the day. Waiting for something better to come along. Sneaky thought that….. because it’s a double-edged sword and it just doesn’t cut the fat, or does it?

I used to launch into the “All-or-Nothing” plans saying all the right things, telling myself I was totally committed, telling anyone who would listen that I was 100% committed to not straying from the plan, but in the back of my mind, I always knew I was saying the right words, cheerleading the right way, but not really believing or feeling it. A small voice in the deep recesses of my mind would constantly mumble that this is not the right plan, something better will come along soon, something easier – soon, so why torture myself in the meantime? By the end of the first week that little voice would be a bellowing roar, and because I was not truly committed in the first place, listening to the voice was easy.

They say that when you are hypnotised, you cannot be made to do something that goes against your beliefs or value system, so you cannot be made to take your clothes off in public if it’s not something you’d be comfortable doing if you weren’t in a hypnotic state. So it stands to reason that our bodies and minds won’t allow us to commit fully to diets that simply aren’t going to cut it in the long run, right? If you ‘cheat’ on a diet, it was not a good diet to begin with, because the right diet would not call anything you do ‘cheating’. I’m talking about having a few squares of chocolate or half a cup of ice cream here, not scoffing the entire sweet aisle in the supermarket – THAT would not be cheating, that would be the eating disorder ‘Gorgingfatass-Stuff-Me-itis (adding ‘itis to the end of any word makes it a legit disease/disorder).

Even when the plan is great, and our commitment sincere, as mine always was (laughed so hard I peed a little), there was also that other little familiar voice shouting “Yes I’m doing this! Yes I can! Except over Easter, Mother’s Day, my Birthday….. my kids’ birthdays…. Hubby and all my in-laws’ birthdays….. friends and neighbours’ birthdays…….. nieces, nephews, the anniversary of the invention of the radio, all anniversaries and my friends’ pets’ birthdays.

And Christmas.

It seems pointless starting the diet so early in the New Year, it is clearly far better to start next year, on 1 January….

So I’d give up on the diet plan, and that little voice would assure me that something better is around the corner – something better is coming along soon, something marginally easier, like a subliminal weight-loss series you listen to in your sleep and magically one week later you’ll lose 40 kilos. True story. Everybody has that friend who did this or that diet and lost a gazillion kilos in their sleep in 4 days and didn’t even end up with any loose flabby skin!

A conditional commitment to being healthy is simply not good enough, it’s worth nothing.

Here’s how I’m making it work for me now………. I am committed to better choices for my health, because I am worth it. As for something better coming along? It might, but UNTIL then, I am going to do this my way, making choices that suit ME, and if something better does come along – well then I’ll be well ahead and on my way already and I would have shed some kilos. I’ve decided to treat it like the whining child wanting attention, wanting mommy to “LOOK AT ME JUMP INTO THE POOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL” with a sly “Yes dear I will be there in a minute I’m just going to finish what I’m doing, won’t be a minute”…………. *GRIN*… mommy is so not going to look at the kid jumping in the pool…… and from the child’s perspective, the kid will jump into the pool a dozen times anyway, who wants to wait for mommy to come and look and not have a great time splashing around until she does?

So if you’re waiting for that perfect diet, why not pass the time in the interim with better healthier choices, an occasional stretch…… so when better does come along, you’ll realise that the better is in fact YOU……


(I think this is exactly how I’d write and explain things if I was a stoner, some of this is going to make sense to nobody but me!)

Day 3 of 100 – You’re Such a Rebel!

Rebel much? I think rebellion also played a role in my weight-gain. I’m not talking about teenaged rebellion, like eating all the neighbours’ pets and posting selfies about deviance. Bad example, one doesn’t gain in excess of 40 kilos from eating the occasional poodle or cockatoo…..

My imperfections and ‘fat parts’, which only I noticed, were magnified in my mind by the unrealistic airbrushed perfection shoved in our faces by various media every day. A small part of me, ‘scuse the pun, wanted to give a chubby middle finger to this overload of fake! So that was me, the rebel with the 2 litre bottle of Coke always within easy reach, enjoying the righteousness of giving the finger to diets and health gurus.

I cannot count how many times in the past I decided to ‘be good’, resolving never to touch sugar or salami again and to do an hour of cardio daily…………. And I would always end up a few days later wanting to throw myself on the floor and screaming like an unhinged Rosemary’s Baby that the diet is STUPID, and too damn hard!!!

Before long I would storm off to the supermarket to “SHOW YOU ALL!!!! STUFF YOU DIET!! WATCH ME!” The binge shop will cover crisps, chocolates, biscuits, ice cream (naturally!), and if it was possible, I’d have bought deep-fried chicken skin on principle.

Take THAT stupid diet, dumb-ass doctors and countless dieticians, nutritionists, health gurus and anybody else who dares criticise ice cream!

So now I am going to approach my better ways and healthier choices with the same rebellion, just flipped on its head. Stuff you cravings! I will show you! I will bring out my BDSM bitch and make you wait until the weekend for that bar of chocolate. Try me saboteur! I must admit that I feel much calmer knowing I am not cutting anything out, I shall have ice cream when the craving comes, but half a cup, savoured slowly, not half a bathtub full, and I shall have a piece of chocolate. Until my weight is under control, I will satisfy my wants on weekends, just a little bit, that way I always have that treat to look forward to in exchange for a week of MY best choices. And if I simply cannot wait until Saturday, I’ll indulge my inner child, only a little bit, because that brat needs to be taught that she can’t just have everything she wants all the time because she appreciates none of it in the end!

…………. It has taken all these years for me to realise that – I may be THINKING “Stuff YOU”, but what I’m really doing is “Stuff ME”………….